Saturday, December 26, 2009

Top 20 Worst Movies of the Decade

20. Next: What starts out as a standard H-Wood, Nic Cage goes from ‘ok’ to a piece of shit when the ending tries but fails epicly to produce a ‘twist’ that quite literally makes the film a complete waste of time .

19. Norbit: Eddie Murphy playing a fat obnoxious woman and the nerdiest man imaginable is just cringe worthy movie making at its best.

18. Meet Dave: There are scenes of Eddie Murphy doing physical ‘comedy’ that quite literally left my wondering how anyone working on this film could’ve thought they were making even a half-decent movie.

17. Pinnochio: Director Roberto Benigni is behind one of my favorite films, Life is Beautiful…but watching a grown man playing a wooden puppet child is an experience I never want to repeat again.

16. The Master of Disguise: Dana Carvey makes me wanna kill a baby in this shit fest.

15. Æon Flux: So it has Charlize Theron in tight black suit…not even that could have saved an all style no substance movie…and the style isn’t even impressive in the slightest.

14. Epic Movie: Really, what do I need to say that even people who haven’t seen this already know.

13. 10, 000 B.C: Possibly one of the THE most boring movies I’ve ever seen.

12. Son of the Mask: A CGI infant dancing and singing like Michigan J. Frog…I quite LITERALLY wanted to kill a baby!

11. Herbie: Fully Loaded: Lindsay Lohan + Predictable and cliché story/scenes + A CGI love bug making faces = Piece of shit.

10. The Hottie and the Nottie: So bad I can’t remember why I hate it..but I don’t dare try to tread back on old memories…

9. The Animal: How is a grown man barking and swimming like a Dolphin funny?? Please, explain to me how the people behind this thought they were making something funny?! O_o

8. Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo – With humor clever enough to be written by kindergarteners who just learned a new dirty word for the first time, how can one not love this!? *sarcasm*

7. The Love Guru: Read above.

6. Beverly Hills Chihuahua: Jamie Lee Curtis and Piper Perabo barking like dogs to each other on other ends of the phone for like…15 minutes…fuck you Disney!

5. Sex and the City: The Movie – All four of the women have the maturity level as the 14 year old girls I went to High School with. If you like it, more power to you, but if you at any point think these women are right in the way they behave, then I’m going to get out the cement, because the foundations of our society are about to crumble.

4. Dragonball: Evolution – “At least we still have our dragonballs.” Really…!?

3. Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li – I was literally pissed off after seeing this movie. “Your father was the milk of my company…but even milk…has an expiration date.” …Fuck you!

2. Home Alone 4: Taking Back the House – Made for TV but it’s not even good enough for that. A kid dancing around like a fucking moron to “I Feel Good” = suck!

1. Disaster Movie: I want it to be known that my comments on wanting to kill myself and similar remarks were not said simply for comical and exaggerated effect…I’m dead serious. If The Dark Knight shows how much I can love a film, Disaster Movie is the equivalent of the opposite. I give you every right to hate this movie even without seeing it, please, spare you’re precious hours in life.