Saturday, December 22, 2012

Behold the Horror of Another Shitty Movie

All rational and level-headed human beings on earth have unanimously deemed the last decade or more of "spoof movies" to rank amongst the lowest levels film and perhaps any art form can sink to. In spite of the vocal and passionate hate for the "Insert Genre Here Movie" genre of movies, the films still manage to turn a profit and most manage to become the top grossing film of their respective opening weekends. In spite of the universal critical hate the ability of these films to be shot for a minimal amount of cost and return a relatively large amount of profit, thanks to audiences who no doubt offer evidence of human devolution, will ensure that these "spoof movies" will continue to be released without obstruction for a foreseeable amount time. Here is the latest entry into the genre...

What can I say? While I'll be the first and among the most vocal to defend the narrow minded notions of pretentious film snobs that Hollywood is a cesspool of artistic waste, when films like this are released I feel betrayed by the system when it is clear a mere certain cash-in is being produced when it MUST be evident to all involved that what it being distributed is without any merit.

Like every other waste of celluloid that are the previous spoof films, this one appears to have all the usual traits of the terrible films that precede it. Characters bumping into walls and getting hit by stuff? Racial stereotypes? Parodying of recent blockbuster films that have absolutely nothing to do with the horror genre? Vulgar humour akin to the comedy of teenage boys who just learned a new dirty word? Cameos by train-wreck Celebrities  who make fun of their own foibles? Characters getting hit in the balls? Yes my friends, all the comedy genius and hilarity that made the other spoof movies such brilliant works of art have clearly transitioned over to Scary Movie 5!

Honestly, if you are looking forward to this film then more power to you. However please refrain from doing anything influential or important such as running for public office or operating a vehicle. For the sake of everyone's safety. 

Side Note: I'll admit that for a split second I actually thought they somehow managed to blackmail Leonardo DiCaprio into starring in this piece of shit.

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